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Kieran Forn tries not to focus on those dark days when things went wrong. truly bad.
He was at his worst in 2016. In April of that year, he attempted suicide. overdose of painkillers.
Then Parramatta coach Brad Arthur still remembers a particular night when Forn was in terrible form.
“I was talking to him on the phone back and forth from midnight, 1 a.m., 2 a.m., 3 a.m.… When I went to get him, I wasn’t sure if he was going to be alive or not,” Arthur recalls.
“His life was chaotic. He had been through some bad things in his life and was struggling to deal with them, and then he got injured. I never imagined he would ever play at the highest level again, let alone at the level he is playing now.
“He's always had a fighting spirit. That's why he's still going. You can't bring him down; you can't keep him down.”
Forn celebrates his 300th NRL game on Sunday when he leads the Gold Coast Titans against St George Illawarra in Wollongong.
Kieran Forn will celebrate his 300th NRL game when the Titans take on the Dragons on Sunday.credit: Titans Media
In the game of tough guys, few are as tough as Forn. And even fewer have been through it. turbulent times Off the field.
The 34-year-old has spent a lot of time reflecting on his career this week. He knows it could have all ended eight years ago. He has struggled with depression, addiction and a painful relationship breakup.
Arthur was the only man on Forn's mind.
“At that time I didn’t want to be alive, let alone play football,” Forn says. “No one knew the depth of what I was going through more than Brad at that time.” [in 2016]and was exposed to all of that.
“It was very hard for someone to endure and deal with. To see someone's world fall apart like mine did, and to try to pick it all up and get back up, while being a head coach and a father… Brad's family opened their doors to me.”
Forn took a break from playing later that year in order to attend to his mental health.
Kieran Forn and Daley Cherry-Evans arrive at Manly Leagues with the National Rugby League Cup in 2011.credit: Janie Barrett
He returned to play for the Warriors in 2017 after answering a call from New Zealand coach Jim Doyle, and then signed a three-year, $3 million deal with Canterbury. But Forn has struggled with persistent injuries that would have forced most players to withdraw.
He never played more than 14 games in a season during his three years with the Dogs.
Resilience is one of the words Forn loves to use, and while he celebrates his own achievement, he would love it if his story inspired the next generation of NRL players – or even saved one young player who felt like he had hit rock bottom.
“I hope this week gives people who don’t have a natural talent, or those who are going through struggles off the field — everyone goes through these lows in their lives — some inspiration,” Forn says.
“I hope I can save a life, or inspire just one person to keep fighting and keep coming out the other side.
“I have shown you that you can come back from the depths of despair. I have been there. I have battled addiction, I have battled depression and mental health, I have battled personal issues in my life, and I have battled injuries.
Welcome back: Kieran Forn in Parramatta in 2016.credit: Walter Peters
“But you become more resilient, and you can handle things better. That's what I did. I still face challenges every day, but I know how to cope better with life and excel under pressure.
“This is what I'm really proud of, and this is what sets me apart. [300 games].
“If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that if you're willing to work hard enough at something, and you're willing to push yourself into those dark places, and gnash your teeth, you will inevitably create your own luck.
“That's what I did, despite the constant challenges and setbacks. I kept working hard, and when you do that, the wheel will turn. It has to turn. And that's what happened for me.”
Forn Arthur, New Zealand coach Michael Maguire and current coach Des Hasler, who he played under twice at Manly, were named as the three most influential coaches in his career.
His relationship with Hasler was beautifully captured by the Titans this week when they filmed the pair watching Foran's first game against Canberra.
Injury has been a constant companion for Kieran Forn.credit: Getty
Hassler went on to refer to Forn as “Benjamin Button” because he “looked like he was 100” when he was just 18. “Not bad for a debut: one try, one assist, six high tackles and who would have thought there would be another 299 games – unbelievable,” Hassler concluded.
Forn started his NRL career alongside Manly standouts Anthony Watmough, Jamie Lyon and the Stewart brothers, Glenn and Brett, who all played the game with intensity. The playmaker has that old-school spirit and always tries to dig deep into the defence.
Forn would run through walls for Hassler, Arthur or Maguire, and was often praised for trying to inspire his team-mates to do the same in the heat of battle. His influence on the Titans' young squad is no secret to Hassler and the club's officials.
Once Tino Fa'asuamalui returns, and Keanu Kenny, Jayden Campbell and Alofiana Khan Pereira play another full season, the Titans will be serious finals contenders in 2025.
Kieran Forn celebrates after scoring against Parramatta. He has enjoyed a remarkable late-career renaissance with the Gold Coast.credit: Getty
Among the people Forn particularly praised was his wife, Karina.
Karina entered his life in 2016 when all seemed lost. The couple endured more heartbreak last November when Karina's son, Logan, took his own life.
Logan travelled to Melbourne to attend Forn's 250th NRL game, and has spoken to Forn several times in the past year about how great it is to finally celebrate and get a well-deserved beer to mark his 300th game.
“Karina has been through everything she has been through over the last nine months, and she is a very strong person, and I wouldn’t be playing today if it wasn’t for her in my life,” says Vorn.
“She came into my life at the worst moment of my life. She rebuilt my life, along with others. No one deserves this credit more than she does. She helped me keep going when things got really tough at times. There were many dark times when I wondered if I should keep going.
“I know Logan always talked about me turning 300, and how we were going to celebrate and have beers. There’s going to be an emotional moment at some point this week.”
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Forn looks tired most weeks, but he said he hasn’t had a single painkiller injection this season. Last year, however, he needed four injections a week — in his toe, foot, sternum and finger — just to make it through Round 9.
Forn is likely to have a trial with the Kiwis at the end of this season. He has one year left with the Titans before he is likely to move into coaching. He has already delivered Hasler's messages to the group in a clear and concise manner.
Foran's first 150 matches went by very quickly. The second 150 were extremely difficult, but also the most rewarding. Foran was never satisfied.
If you or someone you know is experiencing mental health difficulties, please seek help from a mental health professional or contact a crisis support service. In Australia, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 13YARN for 24/7 support.
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